Let them eat cheese

If proof was needed that we have truly descended into the rabbit's hole, the Irish Government has helpfully announced their program to give away cheese to the masses. Of course, when I say masses I mean that elusive body of the population variously labelled as "the most vulnerable", "the poor", "those in need". In other words, that politically useful rhetorical devise; "the third person".

Once we all stop laughing and crying in equal measure, let's just turn to some economics to make some interesting observations and some random predictions.

• The cost of this scheme in terms of packaging and distribution, verifying that the recipients as indeed "the most vulnerable" etc. most likely rivals the costs of handing everyone who qualifies a €20 bonus in the welfare payment.

If the reports are to be believed, vis:

The cheese is available in 12 x 1kg boxes from stores in Clondalkin, Portlaoise, Kilmacthomas Waterford, Cobh and Togher Co Cork from November 15th with a “minimum of one box per collection”.

(a minimum of 12kg of cheese each!!) we will have a nice little arbitrage opportunity opening up. Prepare to see markets do their stuff. So:

• This could mean cheap cheese for everyone, as enough clever clogs see the opportunity to take a few boxes of their free cheese and sell it on. There may be attempts to restrict the sale of this cheese, but that is likely to futile as either nothing will be illegal about it, or a black market will simply develop.

And when this secondary, or black market for cheese develops, the demand for cheese via regular outlets, like supermarkets will fall. In order to prevent wastage, the price is likely to be discounted, potentially below cost in order to clear purchased stock.

Or, an alternative scenario:

• Clever supermarkets recognising this potential cheese glut curtail significantly their cheese purchases over the next month. That might lead to a shortage of cheese in supermarkets. Riots in the dairy aisle shopping mums and toddlers battle it out for the last 500 gram block of red cheddar.

And of course the medium term consequences:

• Cholesterol levels sour and heart disease takes off. The strain on the national health budget increases and our cheese binge starts to look like a big mistake.

Oh, how much fun it is to live in Ireland today. The comedy rolls on every day.